If you missed Part One, click here.
To catch you up: The 1995 classic Heavyweights is helping me dish out awards based on my Summer Lacrosse Circuit observations.
As I went through my first real lacrosse Summer as it exists now – the scene is a much different one than it was went I went through the recruiting process in 2003/2004 – I took some notes based on some thoughts I had. The notes include everything, from travel tidbits to lacrosse game observations and anything in between. I am passing these along using Heavyweights quotes as awards.
Without further delay, here is Part Two.
LARS? What kind of name is that? Where are you from?
Far Away.
Lars, who is in charge of our heroes in the Chipmunk bunk at Camp Hope, is a beefy yet redeemable buffoon from an undisclosed foreign land who is as good at DJing parties as he is keeping quiet during the nighttime.
To all players hailing from emerging lacrosse markets goes this award. In watching a ton of action this summer, players from Texas, Michigan, California, Colorado, Florida, Minnesota and other non-traditional (read: not Long Island, Baltimore et. al.) areas really stood out.
It is pretty exciting for the game when you see players coming from these areas representing grassroots growth in that market so impressively, playing just as well as their “hotbed” counterparts.
Congratulations Mr. Simms you are the fattest boy in camp!
As weigh-ins and pictures for the infomercial before-and-after shots take place, Lars not so kindly lets camper Michael Simms know he is the heavyweight. Not a second goes by before all of the other campers begin applauding in approval much to the horror of the skinny Team Perkis counselors.
This award goes to me, who ate at one too many Chilies, Applebees and Friendlys over the course of the Summer. Its pretty hard to stay in shape on the road, in part because the siren song of the quick bite is often too tempting to ignore. Woops.
Mental note for next year: Do some advanced research into some healthier options on the road.
Time to wake up campers. Its a glorious morning. Today is evaluation day. The key word here is value. Do you have any? No, not yet. But by the end of the Summer this camp is going to be filled with skinny winners!
The campers awake to this message over the PA from Tony. Roy mistakes skinny winners for skinny wieners, which in the 1990s was HILARIOUS. Why? Well, in 1995 bad words was a much broader category for kids. We had to spell hell H-E-Double Hockey Sticks to avoid trouble, and sucks was still fairly bold to say on network TV. Words like wiener were about as close we could come to making older people blush without getting sent to our rooms.
This award goes to those offensive players who forgot that everything they do on the field is being evaluated not just scoring goals.
Too often, I watched games this Summer absent of any team concept. Attackmen would put their heads down and try and dodge through the entire defense. Midfielders would scream at each other for the ball like Carmelo Anthonys teammates. On the bad habits went.
But while a goal could be scored this way, or a point gotten across, that is not going to fly at the next level and no one is more aware of that than the college coach you are auditioning in front of. Many times, the extra pass is the answer; the clear-through that opens a dodging alley for a teammate the correct play.
Instead of trying to stick out with the ball, try doing things without it as well because coaches are evaluating everything they see. While you may not necessarily get noticed for a nice off-ball play, you will certainly get noticed for the wrong play with the ball.
While on this note
Attention campers. Lunch has been cancelled today due to lack of hustle Deal with it.
Ah yes, another evil announcement over the Camp Hope PA courtesy of Tony. While no one is cancelling a campers lunch here, lack of hustle is very evident to an observer including a coach.
Said a more positive way: Small hustle plays show a coach you can be a team player and can help separate you from the pack. Plays of this ilk include but are not limited to:
Getting back on defense; Riding aggressively; Running hard to the box in a substitution situation; Chasing after a shot to try and get possession; Going after a 50/50 ground ball; Congratulating a teammate; Acknowledging a nice assist.
Im doggin it Pat! Im doggin it!
As friendly counselor Pat a negativity spreader who has been demoted to mindless and demeaning tasks is raking leaves in the woods (which sounds as outrageous as it looks), Tony is on his morning run, wearing a pretty fantastic 90s spandex ensemble. As he runs by Pat, he boasts that he is doggin it, as if to say the blazing speed with which he is running is not even his top gear.
To all those players who act like they have scored or made a nice play before, take a bow for not acting like Tony Perkis in this scene, because there were plenty of others who did just the opposite.
I was amazed at some of the showboating and gloating I saw over the Summer from some players. Its one thing to be excited about a play in the heat of the moment. But elaborate celebrations or in-your-face reactions? In a Summer game, no less? C’MON, MAN!
Thanks to those players who realize the most important play is always the next one.
But this is the letter I wrote my grandma!
As the members of the Chipmunk bunk invade Tonys house to look for their confiscated candy, they realize Tony has been hiding all of their outgoing letters including Gerrys informative note to his grandma (payphone calls to his father didnt get the point across after all, his dad “did not send him to go-kart camp”) detailing his miserable time. Remember, it was 1995 and there were no cell phones, Gmail accounts, Tweets or Facebook statuses, so sending letters was still a thing.
The communication award goes to the coaching community, which players and parents may not realize is a very, very tight knit group.
Lacrosse is a community-oriented sport. Speak to someone involved in the game long enough, and in six-degrees-of-separation you probably have a mutual connection somewhere. Sitting near coaches all Summer, you realize while they may be rivals on the field they are friends off of it.
As such, remember this fact when you are in contact with them as a potential recruit. While you are communicating with one, you are indirectly communicating with many others.
I have them on the buddy system…Have a look:
BODY!
Buddy!
BODY!
Buddy!
BODDDDDYYYYYY!
Buddy!
As Lars attempts to hit on Nurse Julie, failing miserably, he tries to show her that he doesnt need to strictly monitor the swimming campers because they are on the buddy system. Of course, Lars accent makes it sound like body. To make his point, he blows his whistle and screams “body,” which in turn prompts the campers to show who their buddies are. A textbook, labored ’90s back-and-forth.
It’s a great exchange, and serves as a salient piece of advice for players. During the Summer, you are traveling across the country, in new states and new places each week. There are countless opportunities to make new friends, and those opportunities should be seized. You never know who you will see down the road, who can help you make your game better, or who can become a lifetime buddy.
This is also a good time to shout out my travel “buddy” Norbert Bielan, the camera man/Editor/Producer/Do-it-all-presence behind the tremendous LR News videos. His work is fantastic.
Alright, OK, Ill tell ya But ya got to keep it a secret OK?
The campers have been Perkisizing for too long. Their secret stash of goodies at the Chipmunk cabin has been discovered and disposed of. They are hungry. So at the crinkling sound of a wrapper, they um, lose it.
Gerry quickly exclaims: WRAPPER! FOOD WRAPPER! COME ON!! as if he was a Golden Retriever hearing the angelic harmony of a Milkbone box rattling. The group runs to discover fellow camper Philip in a bathroom stall eating what is either a Sloppy Joe or Hamburger (its hard to tell).
After Phils I found it explanation is deemed unacceptable for his ravenous friends, he begrudgingly agrees to tell them where he got the grub, in exchange for their silence. This leads to a classic 90s montage to the tune of I Want Candy where the campers and even a counselor or two sneak food by way of a hollowed-out tree stump in the woods, thus allowing them to keep their bellies full.
The keep it a secret award goes to all of the overzealous parents out there. News flash: Coaches can hear you yelling on the sideline, and fair or not, they are recruiting families not just players. If they hear an over-aggressive parent yelling at their child, or the referee, or a coach in a Summer game they may become less likely to take a look at said player.
Think of a coachs thought process: If the yelling is this bad in the Summer what happens at a real college game? What happens when they are unhappy with playing time, or a similar situation?
Parents: Cheering is fine. Support is great. You are paying a lot of money for these events, and these are important times for your child. You have every right to be there and be supportive. But yelling obscenities or making a scene is not going to help and is probably only going to hurt. Go ahead and support your son or daughters team but keep your other comments a secret.
Congratulations, you have just joined the 76% of Americans who forget to stretch before physical activity.
While on their cleansing hike the punishment for the Chipmunk bunk after their Tree Stump Delivery Service was discovered (the 20-mile journey consists of only father sky, mother Earth, and their dear old Uncle Tony) a prank results in Tony chasing Josh in the woods. Josh pulls up during the chase with a self-pronounced hamstring pull, and is lectured by Tony before he falls into a leaf-pit (for those interested, this was a ploy to capture Tony).
To all athletic trainers and caregivers goes this honor. It can be quite the task dealing with muscle pulls, ankle rolls, and heat related illnesses at events that feature plenty of athletes. Kudos to those who keep the players out of harms way when the playing conditions are at their worst.
Kiss the ground, joker boy!
After capturing their evil leader, the campers make a graphic video to show on parents day which highlights the horror that has been their experience. In one scene from the home-movie (to the younger crowd, replace home-movie with You Tube video), Josh is attempting to do a pushup, and Tony barks at him to kiss the ground with his foot on Joshs back. He is hoping to force him into proper pushup form (all the way to the ground and then back up), but to no avail.
This award goes to any player who used proper fundamentals during the Summer. It is so easy to let bad habits take over in these months. Coaching tends to be very relaxed (a subject for a different post) and as such, there are no obvious repercussions for not using good technique. But, shooting overhand, using two hands on ground balls or using sound position on defense are all very noticeable.
Said another way: Missing an open shot because you wanted to rip low-to-high, losing a ground ball because you stab at it with one hand, or going for the homerun check and getting beat to the cage are all plays that will reflect negatively on your game.
Nine is the answer?
No! Nine is
German for no!
After the Parents Day Revolution, Tony is ousted, and lovable counselor Pat (an 18-year Camp Hope vet) is now in charge. Things are looking up as we hit Act Three of the film.
In the movies climatic final scenes, the Apache Relay takes place. This is the annual competition between Camp MVP and Camp Hope. Random events like the wall climb (why not), balloon shave (not sure what good this does anyone) and go-kart race (go-karts were a big selling point for Gerry, so of course the new guy gets to drive) all take place.
Once of the funnier obstacles in the relay was the Hall of Knowledge, where, of course, the fat, smart campers gain ground on the athletic, dumb jocks (remember, ’90s movie characters were all-or-nothing, either athletic and dumb or unathletic and smart). As Camp Hopes resident smart kid Nicholas (the Englishman, Tonys future president and ’90s NERD ALERT!) breezes through, our Camp MVP-er (90s JOCK ALERT!) cannot solve a complex Math equation, and is told no in some entertaining ways including in German.
This distinction goes to all players who realize while lacrosse is a big deal, grades are more important. Coaches need players who excel both on the field and in the classroom. Simply put: Poor grades will limit the colleges available for you to play at.
And, never mind recruiting: Collegiate sports (like lacrosse) are vehicles that should be used to drive you to the best school possible.
You know those NCAA commercials reminding us that almost all college athletes will be going pro in something other than sports? Yeah – turns out thats true.
Thanks for the best damn Summer of my life!
So says Gerry to mentor counselor Pat at the finish line of the Apache Relay go-kart finale, which Gerry obviously wins thanks to both 1990’s movie convention (good guy’s win!) and Pats highly questionable contraption that allows his kart to fly over a hill like a plane and land just in front of Camp MVP at the finish line.
An aside: I would be upset if I were Camp MVP, too. Its like Gerry was on HGH or something. Who is in charge of the relay, Bud Selig?! (Sorry, it was too easy).
Anyway, while it is easy to get bogged down and worn out with Summer lacrosse, just remember at the end of the day you are playing a game. That can get lost in the dog-eat-dog recruiting world. Try not to be so concerned with other players committing to schools before you, or worrying you are behind the curve, and just play.
Most importantly, take a step back because once you realize its only a game, maybe youll treat the Summer Circuit like a fun ride on the Blob.
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